Rikku’s Fantasy~

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There’s tons of invisible words there u might not be able to read with the naked eye without selecting~! O.o"

  Fuh~! Finally get to update my friendster’s blog. Dunno y keep cannot load my updat blog page tat’s y i have to go to xanga to update instead of my friendster. Oh ya…here’s my xanga blog: http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=rikku_levi

   Last week sermon in FCC is about sex and the Christian. Though i din really get to listen to the sermon properly coz was distracted doing my duties, i manage to get a better picture from my cell leader, Lydia when she go over it again in FS. It was really great to have this kind of talk n discussion about sex in church n among Christians. It helps us to really understand wat sex is really is…which is not a bad thing coz God created sex and it supposed to be good provided we honour it n dun abuse it.

   The sermon was based on the scriptures on 2 Samual 13:1-19 where there was this prince raped his stepsister Tamar. What this prince guy did was described as like "drinking water"…means raping or having sex with his stepsista to quench his sexual desires. Before he sinned, he was in a state of "love sick" which he fell (fall) sick / ("false sick"?…copyrite by ndpgk). So with that excuse he manages to trap her into his room where "things" happened. He may seemed to be discribed as being in love in the first place since he fell "love sick" lo but later we found out it was only pure lust coz he chased her away after “having” her. We were told that "love sick" are like love at first sight or just our hormones…not real love.

   All these got me wondered…

   Everyone of us have "thirst" with varying degrees. Some with stronger hormones and some weaker, some had earlier puberty n some later. For those with lesser hormones and late puberty are considered lucky as temptations will be much lesser compare to the others which are considered unfortunates where they will be attacked by temptations in everyday life in random. Usually these group of people will be referred to guys but trust me, girls are included too. Here’s an example…I know the facts might be a little different but there’s a point. In friends, when Rachel was pregnant n she had desires for every man she sees. Even bald guy she also want to jump on >.<” In Matthew 5:27 where Jesus said “…anyone who looks at a woman n wants to possess her is guilty of committing adultery with her in his heart.” In “his” heart yea? Means “her” is excluded? Hahah…of coz it includes woman who wants to “possess” him will be guilty as well. Then later Rachel told Phoebe that she has all these hormones but dunno wat to do with them~! Hah! Head shot! Hmm…wat to do when facing hormones attack? Naturally, one will easily fall into temptations in the head n it’s hard to stop when one is in this kind of situations. So how? Wat to do? I’m so sorry I still dun have the answers…so anyone knows how pls do share in the comments ya?

   What is love sick? I only know that love sick is the feeling when u’re in love…u can’t stop thinking n missing him/her greatly. But pastor said love sick are like love at first sight and hormones. When one is in love it’s like on holiday where everything seems brighter and feels happier everyday…can this be hormones too? Also, experts says that love starts the same way as infatuations…so how to know whether is it real love or fake love or worst…hormones??? Then how to distinguish between lust and love? Is being lustful a sin by itself or only when one quenches it either in actual or by thought then will it become sin?

   I learnt in the sermon that relationships are best when it’s not sex based…in other words not to have sex until after marriage. This is becoz by having sex; it will reduce the level of trust. Relationship is communication, emotions, expectations and trust with God. All these are much more important than sex. I believe if the core of the relationship is God, that relationship will last forever until it reaches heaven…

I’m in a state of life where it makes life slow, just waiting for time to pass. Hoping that life will continue to be like a roller coaster for which i’m at the bottom now expecting to climb to the peak again. I do not know what really brings me to this state of mood…many reasons i guess which accumulates n amounts to it.

At this time, i can only count my blessings to remaind cheerful. Like the shoe i’m wearing now has a hole in it…I’ll might as well just give thanks to even have a shoe to wear. I felt sad n lonely inside(dun ask me why coz i dunno)…my past memories of happy memories are chasing after me. Times which I had laughter with someone…especially someone special. I guess i’ll give thanks that i even had those memories compare to those who’d never experienced those happy life at all. I guess i have to give thanks for friends coz even if i felt sometimes they could be better…but still i had them.

It’s not true to say that i had no one, but I’m in a state of life where it seems like there’s no one. I have to keep reminding myself all the people who love me n i love in return but it didn’t work very well…I have to give thanks for all of them but still…I felt alone.